He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
