If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
