My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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