8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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