It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
