i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
