Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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