So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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