allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
