WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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