Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
