Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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