I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
