I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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