sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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