I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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