Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
