Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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