wake up i wanna do it froggy style
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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