I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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