im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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