When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
