Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
