Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
