Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(760): View more from California

can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?

(760): View more from California

oh geez, wrong person.

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(845): View more from New York

For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail

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(602): View more from Arizona

i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.

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(647): View more from Ontario

I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.

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(503): View more from Oregon

They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?

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(205): View more from Alabama

That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".

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(563): View more from Iowa

Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.

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(908): View more from New Jersey

There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later

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