So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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