you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
