the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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