What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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