I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
