dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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