I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Who did Billy Mays play for?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
