I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
