My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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