He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
