who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
