Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
