Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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