Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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