you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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