i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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