I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize