Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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