Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
It was confusing and full of hummus
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
