what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
