If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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