Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
