you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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