Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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