His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
