Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
