At least make sure they are 18
Why
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Drunk walkin through police station. America
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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