i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm really busy with my period
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