I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
