If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
