JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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