Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
