is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize