the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Randomize
