i don't like sucking hair
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
The air was thick with penises
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
