clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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