My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
