In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
