I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
