I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
