Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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