Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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