I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
