Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
soo... how was my night?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
