Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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