I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
they're like a gay fantastic four
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
