Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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