Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
