Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
