can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
