shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
