Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
