Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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