??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i just google imaged poop.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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