you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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