I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
