peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
