I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
